Dismantle My Bed Biased Reviews

"Riley LaShea leaves you breathless....create[s] a fantasy world like you’ve never seen before!... I was ready...You won’t regret it and it just might change your life!"

-- from my bestest friend Pammykins (I'm not sure if she is talking about the book or that crazy night in Reno. But either way, it makes me feel real good.)

"Do you love Danielle Steel? Nicholas Sparks? Joan Collins? Well look no further...seriously look no further 'cause this book has absolutely nothing in common with books by the aforementioned authors. Riley LaShea has managed to capture her audience with grouchy ass dwarfs, a subtle lesbian love fest between Cinderella & Rapunzel, and a totally clueless prince. Not only is Bleeding Through Kingdoms highly entertaining, a "can't put it down" kind of read, but it reminds us that life can really suck-and happily ever after doesn't always happen! So what are you waiting for? Buy your copy today! Heck, buy one for a buddy too! Hey, why not buy a whole box- I hear they make fabulous end tables!"

-- from my very proud sister (her words, not mine - I swear), Danielle

"When was the last time you thought of Cinderella sexually? I didn't think so. Bleeding Through Kingdoms: Cinderella’s Rebellion, Riley LaShea's, I think she's French or something, debut novel is a fantastic tale that will blow (away) more than just your imagination. In this novel, Cinderella transitions from her status as a simple, servant girl to a woman with Lara Croft’s allure. ...Our heroine is accompanied in her adventures by a hot nympho in need of a haircut, Rapunzel, and a girl with some really vacuous (but supposedly beautiful) qualities, Snow White. The story unravels in ways that are deviant, funny, and sexual. ...this is a must-read for our entire kingdom."

-- from the lovely and talented Tatiana (I'm still stoked that I have a friend named Tatiana now, it makes me feel really cool)

In my effort to gather as many biased reviews as I can for this site, I decided to interrogate some members of my immediate family about my book at a recent get-together. These were their responses:

"Aunt [Riley] has a dark side."

-- unsolicited testimony from my nephew, Christian

"It's better than Ninja Warrior!"

-- unsolicited testimony from my nephew, Noah (which of course is a lie because NOTHING is better than Ninja Warrior)

And all of these nuggets come from the mouth of Billy, my brother-in-law, who clearly loves me dearly –

"If she had any talent, we wouldn't be doing this shit."

"I don't even read instruction manuals, why the hell would I read your book?!?" (when asked if he had read my book.)

"Why are you gonna try to make a book? She couldn't." ( his response to my gorgeous five-year-old nephew sitting on the floor with a pen and a blank sheet of paper, attempting to imitate me, and saying "I'm trying to make a book.")

And Billy's closing argument:

“If there’s anyone out there who has a heart, please get a book… so she’ll leave me the hell alone.”

And there is more than a little touch of youthful honesty in this exchange with my nephew:

Me: Why would you buy my book?
Christian: Because it was written by you.
Me: And if I hadn’t written it?
Christian: I wouldn’t buy it.