A Five Part Addendum to a Forty Hour a Week Problem
February 28th, 2008 at 8:19 pm (Sneak in Writing at Work)
When sneaking in writing during office meetings, remember it’s not always about what you bring to the meeting and how prepared you are to utilize it. Sometimes, it’s about location.
You see, today in a meeting at work, a woman who is sort of a quasi-supervisor of the department decided to bypass her usual seat at the conference table, come right down to my end, and sit down next to me. When this happens, pad and pen may not be enough to give you true writing freedom. So, here are five possible solutions to such a problem.
1. When the person goes to sit down, quickly turn and push his or her chair back with your foot. He or she will fall on his or her ass, extremely hard if you are lucky, and learn that you are not the kind of person that should be sat near.
2. Wait until he or she sits, then give the close-sitter an elbow to the face. Aim for the nose. Noses almost always bleed profusely, meaning that the person will either have to leave the room or be too busy mopping up blood to pay any attention to you.
3. Let the person sit without incident, then write terrible things about him or her on your notepad. The person will undoubtedly be nosy, as all people are, and will see what you have written. Since he or she cannot call you on it, because it would be admitting to being a busybody, the person will likely not sit next to you again, both to spare his or her own feelings, and because you will be considered the office bitch from then on out.
4. Yell “I can’t work like this” and storm out. Later, when questioned about it, explain to anyone who will listen that there was inappropriate touching beneath the table where they couldn’t see, and that you don’t allow people to feel you up unless they’ve paid for a nice dinner first.
5. Forget trying to write, and take a nap instead. This way you don’t have to sleep as much when you get home later. Use that time that they tried to steal from you in the meeting to write at night. This is a difficult solution. They will try to wake you, so you must be prepared. Spend some time this weekend practicing how to say “Five more minutes, Mom” and sling drool without actually waking up. Believe me, it can be done.
In summation -
Two of these are certain to get you fired. The other three are certain to get you committed. None will get you laid.
Sorry.