Dismantle My Bed

I don’t know what will come of this upcoming presidential election, but I seriously hope we end up with a president who has a strong grasp of economics. That, of course, means that we can’t have a John McCain, “Hey, I don’t really understand the economy” presidency. Here’s hoping for a Democratic president who stands an iota of a chance at undoing all of the damage of eight long years of Bush. Here’s hoping that November is close enough to prevent a Depression. Who’s to say?

I hate to say this, but if you haven’t self-published that book yet, you may want to hold off temporarily.

Know your Quota.

My recent reprimanding at work was not without benefit. Most reprimands can benefit you if you really listen for it. Since I got in trouble for not producing as much as my co-workers, I asked for the most important information any good slacker can know.

How much is expected of me?

Since they believe that you are asking to prevent yourself from getting fired, they usually offer up this information quite willingly. Sometimes it is in the form of an absolute number, which is what I got. (So and so would like to see everyone do at least 1000 claims per week). Sometimes it is in the form of comparison to co-workers. (Well, most of the other processors do X amount per week).

Either way, you know exactly how little you can do and not get fired. For example, my quota actually is 1000 claims per week. That is, of course, 200 claims per day. It’s 9:07 am. I got here at 8:20, and I’ve already done 70 claims. Now I know exactly how much time I have to slack today. (A LOT!) See how that works?

Pay attention though. If you are working in a data system, some of them are extremely accurate and can pinpoint exactly how much work you are doing at any given moment. For instance, in a system like this, they might be able to tell that I do 200 claims in two hours and utilize the other six for things I’d rather be doing. If you really listen, though, they might reveal this information too. My boss did.

If they can tell, it will be slightly more complicated to sneak in writing. You may have to do work between every paragraph. It can be distracting, but you can make it work. Keep the faith!

Viva La Sneaking!

When sneaking in writing at work, and I sure hope you manage a lot of it, you might wonder, how far should I go? I mean, is it okay to write pornography in the workplace?

Of course it’s not. It’s no more okay to write pornography at work than it is to read pornography at work. It’s completely inappropriate. Conceivably, even immoral.

Then again, you aren’t supposed to be sneaking in writing at work anyway, so technically you are already in the wrong. So, the real question is, how well can you hold your porn? Are you the type of person who can internalize the sexual hankering, or are you the type of person who would try to throw your co-worker down on his or her desk and dry hump them?

Once you can answer this question, you shall know if it is okay for you personally to write porn at work.

So, you have several projects in the works. You are using the method to crank out your next great novel, and already have queries sent out for two others. You sneak in writing at work whenever you can, and use company paper and ink to print your copies. You are living the good life as best as you can as a writer stuck in a 9 to 5 job.

But one day, you might decide that you actually just want to get paid to write, and you no longer care what you write so long as it comes with dollar signs attached.

With all of the speeches being spouted at us during this political process, you might find yourself thinking, “I could always be a speech writer.” And, if you put your mind to it, you probably can. Speech writers come from all kinds of backgrounds, but editorial experience or a law background can be helpful if you are looking at politics, but if you are thinking small scale and not presidential, you can probably find someone who could use a great writer.

Just a thought for those of us who want to write for love, but sometimes need the money.

So, do you think that blog tools are set up with writers in mind?

Not dabblers. Not people who started a blog to try to make money online or just ’cause they thought that it might be fun. I’m talking about real writers. People who spend more time inside their own heads than engaging in conversations. People who actually think that they’ve been to other worlds just because they have written some words down about them. People who feel comfortable enough playing God that they will create both external and internal characteristics of numerous people, set up realities for them, and even put words into their mouths. I’m talking about people like me. Crazy ass people!

You see, I think that blog tools were, in fact, set up for the really crazy writers, not just part-timers. You know why? It’s the ‘publish’ button. Whenever I finish typing something up, I can save it, edit it, or I can “publish” it.

I think it’s a cheap ploy to allow totally pathetic schmucks like myself to shout “I’ve been published” as often as they desire.

Well played, blogosphere, well played.