Dismantle My Bed

Working sucks in general. Being a creative type that has to work a real job though…

Well, that is a special kind of suck. Working a real job during the day and writing at home at night actually blows. Like seriously. We are talking hardcore suckage here.

That is all. Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

There are a few exceptions. Very rarely, a movie will be made based on a book that is actually better than the book itself. Very, very rarely. Once in a while, it’s even a TV show based on a book that is better than the original. Again, rare.

Most of the time, moving images based on novels are shlockfests of the highest caliber. Why?

I think it comes down to two major opposing issues.

1. The movie is a direct translation of the book from page to screen.

The dialogue is the same. The scenes are exactly the same and occur in the exact same order.

Now, this sounds like a wonderful thing. The problem is thus -

Movies aren’t novels and novels aren’t movies. You can write a twenty page stare-off into a novel and keep it interesting. Try putting a twenty minute stare-off into a movie and see how many people are still in the theater when the contest ends.

2. The movie completely disregards the book.

The plot is barely intact. The characters barely behave like themselves. All of that funny dialogue that provided you such a hearty belly laugh while reading has been rewritten. It’s lost its essence.

And it doesn’t have to happen like this! Because while a movie is not a novel and a novel is not a movie, a great scene with great dialogue is just as effective in both. If it worked in the novel, a complete overhaul is rarely necessary. Sometimes its just someone taking too many liberties with a story that doesn’t belong to them. Tragic.

With the exception of a select few adapted screenplays, I find that you are better off seeing movies based on a book you haven’t read and skipping movies adapted from books you loved.

It’s just safer that way.

So, the crazy ideas are not limited. In fact, there have been several. The mystery box was just one of many. How about flea markets. People like to buy random stuff at those. So why not unload some books there.

Self publishing can be a bit of an issue. You can end up with a lot of boxes of books in your home. And I do mean a LOT! So, that’s when you start having crazy ideas. You know, to move the merchandise. And maybe even make a little cash. One idea - sell a mystery box on eBay. Fill it with several copies of the book and nothing else so you can ship it media mail. Good money if you can find any suckers.

I haven’t been getting much writing done at work lately. You see, “upper management” decided to institute quotas on we, the wee peons in the claims department. No, those are not unnecessary quotation marks. I think that the term “upper management” is one of the most ridiculously pompous, let-me-declare-to-you-my-importance terms in our stupidly corporate society. Those quotations marks are actually imperative.

Under average, ordinary circumstances, I really wouldn’t give two shits about losing my job, but since we are in full-on debt pay down mode, I need to keep the cash coming in at the pathetic trickle that my job provides. So that means I’ve been spending a majority of my time at work actually working. Okay, so more like fifty percent, but it’s still a helluva lot more than I used to do, and I’m still pissed the fuck off about it.