Dismantle My Bed

I really need to write a fraud non-fiction book. It shouldn’t be difficult. I think most non-fiction books are frauds.

Like The Secret. Basic premise: If you just pretend you already have what you want, you’ll get it. Uh, no, but you will fake yourself into false happiness.

Or books like The Potato Diet book. Guess what? If you eat nothing but foods very low in calories, you’ll lose weight! I know… who knew?

Anyway, fraud non-fiction books sell at a much higher rate than fiction. And seriously, it’s all about the Benjamins.

So, you have sold books on eBay. You have sold books to all of your family and friends. You even actually sold a few to some bookstores and libraries. But what do you do with what’s left of them?

Well, you could have a bonfire. Or you could do what I am going to do. Send them out to every agent you can get an address for. And maybe, just maybe, something good will come of it. If not? Well, at least you got rid of some more books!

When you have a lot of books that did not sell, well you have a lot of books. That means you have to find something to do with them.

And guess what?

Leftover books make great coasters! Especially on a carpeted floor. They are sturdy enough to make sure your drink does not tip over onto the carpet.

So, if you have leftover books and are at a loss… Make them coasters for your drinks!

1. Write a book. Write from the heart. Don’t follow popular formulas. Use uncommon words that might necessitate context clues, maybe even a dictionary, something that you know a “real” publisher would never touch because it’s not dumbed down.
2. Self-publish. You can be dead in the water before you’ve even hopped out of the boat, and plenty in debt to boot!
3. Be a poor salesperson. You are an author. This should come naturally.
4. Invent genius schemes to try to get people to buy your book… that also don’t work.
5. Sleep on the boxes. You have to store them somewhere, and you probably can’t afford a whole lot of space

Well, it’s official. Used bookstores are the way to get rid of the leftover books that we have.

See, here is what happened. We had some used books to sell at a used bookstore. We put one of my books in with them. Then it happened. The used bookstore bought the book for a buck.

Sure, that is still a loss. But is it more than just tossing them. Now we just need 3,000 used bookstores to unload them at.