Dismantle My Bed

So I’ve been thinking. Maybe I need a gimmick. I mean, other than the gimmick of turning book boxes into a platform bed and trying to dismantle it. Then, it hit me. Rolling papers! Instead of trying to sell the books as books, I should market them as pads of rolling papers. On day 1, smoke the prologue. Day 2, half of the first chapter. I can package it with baggies of mixed herbs and advertise it in High Times.

Are you in the holiday spirit? Feeling charitable? Want to give to a great cause?

Why not give to the Riley is a debt-ridden failure of an author charity?

Buy a book! I don’t even care if you read it. Your money spends the same as literate people’s.

You might have noticed that there are some new themes on here. Themes that are not what you have come to love and expect from Dismantle My Bed! Well, it’s like this… No one is buying. Literally, I haven’t had one single sale since the launch of this extremely clever and laudable attempt at book-selling. When no one buys, I just continue to get poorer. If I don’t want to get poorer, I must find ways to make money that have nothing to do with book sales. This is my way, hence the bombardment of new and completely unrelated themes.

Would better prizes make this a more intriguing contest? Like what if I said you could have a date with a Playboy model? What about $1,000? What about a trip to New York and a mad shopping spree down Fifth Avenue? Okay. You could have a date with a Playboy model, $1,000, or a trip to NY and a mad shopping spree down Fifth Avenue. I’m not going to give it to you, but anything is possible.

I’d really like to escape overseas, especially if Mitt Romney gets into the White House. That crazy fuck. In order to do that, several things must happen. Here is how buying my book plays a big part in allowing my escape.
 
1. I need to pay off debt. Don’t we all? But this isn’t just casual spending debt. This is all debt built up by trying to do creative things with absolutely no pay off. I won’t stockpile the money for prostitutes and cannabis. I will not use the money in ways that will get me arrested or deported. I will get rid of the debt police and live a happy and debt-free lifestyle of creative yearning.

2. I need to minimize. I have stopped holding onto junk, but I still have quite a bit of it. I don’t mean to. I’m fairly certain it fertilizes itself and creates off-spring when I’m not looking. Getting rid of the books gets rid of a lot of boxes. Hooray for less clutter!

3. I need some hope. If my move goes anything like my other projects, I’m going down in the ocean halfway there.